soccer mom hell

The worst thing that could happen to me as a soccer mom has happened: I have been tasked as committee chairman of Homecoming Week. This is, in my opinion, he worst duty that could befall me as a Soccer Mom.

It all started last July. I had just gotten home from a relaxing vacation in the mountains and was listening to my messages, and there was one from a fellow soccer mom notifying me of an upcoming pre-season soccer meeting. I should have listened to the little voice in my head that said, "Don't do it, Karen. Just back away from the soccer moms now and nobody gets hurt." But noooooo. I had this noble, pre-meeting, pre-actual-involvement thought in my head that said "You Can Help! You can Make A Difference!" And the arrogance of that thought won over the much more sane reflex to slink away before anybody noticed me.

So I went to the first meeting and what happened? First I become the Treasurer of the entire Liberty Soccer Parents organization. OK, no problem. I can handle money. I'm a freaking expert at handling money. Then, I volunteer to word process the handouts for all the parents. Again, no problem. I can do that in my sleep. So far so good.

Then I volunteer to word process the dozens of sign-up sheets that will be needed for, what appears to me to be, an overabundance of parental responsibilities - Memory Book, photographers, food, concessions, Homecoming Week, Dinners - a lot of it seems to revolve around feeding three teams' worth of hungry teenage boys. While typing the sign-up sheet for Homecoming Week, I make a mental note: Avoid signing up for Homecoming Week at all costs. Why? Because here's what it involves: "This Blue Jay Tradition recognizes players on game days and throughout the week with treats, favors, decorating lockers/playing field, and at the school pep rallies. The biggest part of this committee is the Homecoming Parade” See what I mean??? Did you know that Homecoming isn't just for football??? Oh noooo. It's for soccer too. And it's not just one day - it's an entire freaking week of decorating the field, and feeding kids, and doing a FLOAT, and in general celebrating the wonderfulness of High School sports. I wanted NOTHING to do with it.

Luckily for me, one of the other moms stepped up and volunteered for Homecoming week right away. Like she WANTED to do it. I breathed a sign of relief and went back to my little Treasurer job. And then, a few days later, the unthinkable happened: Homecoming Week Mom's son got kicked off the team, which meant his mother was also kicked off the team, so to speak. Knowing that we'd have a huge Homecoming Week hole to fill, I volunteered for what seemed to be the least objectionable part of Homecoming Week - the Homecoming Dinner - which involved getting parents to donate money for pizza. No biggie.

And then I attended last Sunday's planning meeting.

In the confusion surrounding the loss of one of our main Soccer Parent Volunteers, and in my haste in volunteering for ONE Homecoming Week duty, everyone assumed I had volunteered for the whole sucky thing - all field-decorating, treat-giving, float-decorating and player-feeding bit of it. And what did I do? I took it. I took it all without even a peep of protest. "Don't worry", they said, "here's a list of other parents who have signed up to help you!" OK. This means I have to figure out what they need to do, tell them what to do, then make sure they do it. And then I have to figure out what to do if one of them all of a sudden can't do what they said they would do. This involves a lot of talking to people, which I don’t do well, which is why I like sitting back and typing things and dealing with money.

Somebody here at work said that this is probably what I get for not ever having attended a PTA meeting. Yeah, they’re probably right.